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Dear friends, I am Mary Magdalene. You know me, my figure and face have become part of your history, and thereby have become distorted and marred. But you know my origin, because we live from the same source – the space within the heart, the Home of the soul. You have been moved by the same desire that possessed me during my life on Earth. A longing, a desire for truth, for what is real, for the essence. A desire to live from your soul, from inspiration, from your core – that is what matters for you.

To live in this way can hurt. It brings you to the darkest parts in yourself, because to live from your inner core means that everything must be seen. The Light needs to shine on everything, so you can become one and complete unto yourself. Many people are engaged in a struggle with themselves, and this is painful to see. People often live by images, pictures, and idealized sets of rules of how to be a successful human being who is recognized and respected by the world. Then before you know it, you are carried away by the opinions and demands of the mainstream of society. You feel you need to adjust to their way of thinking, so you can appear attractive and good in the eyes of the world. This takes you away from your inner core, and in this way, you disconnect from yourself. But still there is a voice that says: "go inside, discover who you are". In that open space of no judgment, you can discover who you are: the light and the dark parts, and all you have been through: your feelings, emotions, and reactions.

To love yourself is to allow that open space within yourself, and to be with yourself and observe what is there. Yet again comes that voice from the outside, all too often the voice of fear, that says: "be good, be obedient, and adjust to the norm; do not appear different or strange in the eyes of other people", and you again lose the inner dialogue with yourself and that open space. You force yourself into shackles; you judge according to the standards of the outside world, society, and by doing so you hurt yourself. So you are pulled back and forth between the call of the world, which so often is the voice of fear, and the cry of the soul, which would lead you inward, to the core of who you are. And how can you deal with that battle, that tug-of-war between inside and outside, between the core and the external?

Listen to the voice of your heart. Choose for yourself; choose the way you want to go in this life. Decide to do it with all your strength, unconditionally! Take the plunge into the deep, where real love prevails. But know in that deep space there is no bottom, and it can feel like a leap into the abyss, into the void. You will no longer be supported by the approval, compliments, and recognition of others; you will stand alone.

Feel, for awhile, the immense space in the center of your heart, where there is no judgment, and no idealized images of where you should go. Only Being is present there, pure Being. Can you stand that much freedom, or would you prefer to stay on the leash of norms and values provided by others? Can you take that dive into the depths? Can you truly live?

Life challenges you to take a leap into the unknown, which is scary. However, to restrict yourself to the narrow path of the known, and not live fully, is worse. You then become a slave to impulses from outside yourself, and you lose “you” and no longer feel happy. Finding true satisfaction in life can come only from going with the current of your heart. Your heartbeat, which is unique in the universe, alone knows the road. And sometimes, if you get lost, there needs to be a dark time, to bring you back to yourself, to help you remember who you are in your deepest core. All outer certainties fall away, and insofar as you were living according to exterior standards and ideals, you have the feeling that everything is lost, that you have fallen into a deep, black hole – and this feels awful! It is called “The Dark Night of the Soul”, yet it is but a passage. You are being taken to a Gate, one that opens to something beyond, something greater; a vista that your usual sight, conditioned by fears and old ideas, cannot envision.

Imagine you are in a dark tunnel. You cannot even see the walls of this tunnel, and you feel surrounded by nothingness. There is nothing wrong with nothingness. In its essence, nothingness is neither bad nor evil; it is absolute openness without any preconceptions or expectations on which to rely. Yet nothingness evokes fear in you, as if it will destroy you. What nothingness does destroy are old identities which you thought were part of you. But know that who you really are cannot be destroyed, cannot disappear. It is eternal, and as limitless as the space in your heart of which I spoke earlier. That space is there – always. Imagine that you accept nothingness and the lack of certainties, and at the same time, you feel your strength and independence. You then are not bound to this world; you are free in the depths of your being!

Continue to imagine you are going through that dark tunnel and suddenly a Gate appears in front of you. Look at what that image does for you: are you afraid of the Gate, or do you want to go through it? Are the doors heavy and closed, or is one door ajar and is there Light that shines through from the other side? Just take it in; you do not have to do anything. Imagine now that you stand before that Gate and put your hand against it. Allow the energy of the Gate to flow through you. The Gate is the threshold beyond which lies the new, that which your soul wants to show you – when you are ready to see it. By placing your hand on the Gate, you become acquainted with the new, and with what wants to flow into your life – at a rhythm that suits you. See if you can receive it; the energy of the new, the energy of Home and of your soul. Allow it to flow through your hand and into and throughout your entire body, in a way that feels good – not too little and not too much. The energy flows around and through your head, your shoulders, and your heart; and goes even deeper: into your stomach, your pelvis, your tailbone, and through your legs to your feet. And be aware, if you are in The Dark Night of the Soul, there is something new awaiting you beyond the Gate, although it still cannot be seen with the eyes you have now. With new eyes, you will see that reality on the other side of the gate, and you will develop these new eyes by letting go of the old way of life; when you grasp no more onto certainties and survival patterns to which you clung before.

How do you recognize when you are ready to let go of the old? Often it is through feelings of discontent, anger, dissatisfaction, or despair and hopelessness, which indicate that you no longer want things to be the way they have been. You could then be thinking: "I don’t want to be here anymore; I don’t want to live on Earth", but actually what you are saying is: "I no longer want the old way; I don't want things as they have been”. However, your mind, formed as it is by the past, may not have yet imagined that there are other ways, and therefore The Dark Night of the Soul becomes desperate and intense. As the old falls away, but the new has not yet arrived, being on that borderline and in that dark tunnel forces you to choose. Either you continue to follow the voice of your heart and remain faithful to yourself, or you retreat back into the voices from outside: that of fear, of the familiar, of the past. So I entreat you: if you are now experiencing The Dark Night of the Soul in your life, stay with it, keep going inward, and feel what is there. If there is fear, uncertainty, sadness, or despair, do not judge it; stay with it and do not retreat from it.

Your Light is stronger than all those emotions, which are not the end point, but a halting place along the way. See the Gate in the distance, which is already there! Connect with the energy of the new, by way of that Gate. And one day the doors of that Gate will open wide – see it before you. Maybe it is too much to feel it all now, but observe it for awhile from a distance. How will it be when that Gate opens wide, and you walk through it? What awaits you there? What feelings does it call up in you? You do not have go beyond the Gate yet, it will come – everything comes in its time. But feel the promise of it now: the beauty of the Light there; the delight, joy and comfort of being there. Feel the serenity of life there and rejoice, because this road you are traveling on now – the one that feels like a dark night which boosts your fear – leads there!

Keep that perspective before your eyes, and your path becomes easier. I hold you by the hand; feel my presence. Every time a Gate opens, it makes us happy and we feel more deeply united with you all. We are all connected to each other, and every step each individual takes, carries something of all of us to the Whole.

Mary Magdalene
Copyright © Pamela Kribbe