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In prior years, I had explored the world, which I call the outer landscape. This year I have turned my focus inward, to explore my inner landscape.
I consider Toastmasters to be a powerful tool for my inner journey, which is a process of self-discovery, which leads to self-correction (or healing), and thus self-development. In conjunction with Toastmasters, I had also done some healing on lower self and on subconscious mind, by myself. I thought that was all the healings I needed. To my surprise, I was merely scratching the surface of my problems.
Each person is like an onion. You peel and peel, to remove all the "protective" layers you put on yourself, until you reach the core, which is your true self. Many people never know their true selves. Disillusionment leads to pains and sufferings.
Quite a few individuals are aware of my problems in June, and offered different advices. I now understand why some advised me to seek mental help. Psychiatry and psychology are different. I needed help from the latter, but I was taken to the former, which was useless for me. Nonetheless, with some help, I managed to see someone who healed me psychologically from some traumas which I was not consciously aware of. She went very deep to peel away all my protective layers which didn't serve me.
The protective layers I had are like dark clouds which I used to surround myself from feeling pain, sorrow, loss, disappointment, abandonment, etc. Different people have different protective mechanism that they utilize to shield themselves from harm, but they don't realize that this mechanism itself may be harmful. For example, we lie in order to protect ourselves, but the lies themselves can be a toxic ingredient in our lives.
Sometimes a person shuts down emotionally when faced with a trauma. This healer said I was emotionally disconnected. The revelation of my traumas induced emotional release/cleansing, and thus emotional healing. She said I still have more healing to do; what was done was only of most immediate concern. She said I have some negative programs in me. I was surprised to hear that, but when I talked to a friend about my session, I realized, oh yeah, I do have some negative thought patterns that I have been trying to remove but cannot.
Everyone's inner landscape is unique. It is your choice if you choose to explore it, or ignore it. Everything has its own timing. When the time comes, you will be brought to face your problems. As within, so without. When your inner landscape changes, your outer experiences will shift accordingly.
