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For the last 11 years I have been dealing with past life memories and issues.  I learned that who and what I once was, directly reflected the person I am today.  The currant life and its issues also mingle with all that.  So many memories have I acessed, but most of them was fleeting glimpses.

A posture, a person that come at you fighting that had an issue with you about some or the other reason.  Someone coming up to you saying I am so sorry for what I have done to you, and me not having a clue what they were on about.  As they come you deal with that part, the part that need to be dealt with.  I had to be satisfied with glimpses of people, events, issues, and I sometimes saw glimpses of others issues, as it normally was linked to me in some way.  It became so confusing to be hit by all this information.

You wondered is this stuff is even true or real.  How do you prove it, how do you bring what you see in your mind down and link it to a place in history, events.  Yet some I have, but it was more along the light of I once walked in atlantis.  The knowing I was there, but I could not bring out detail.  Detail that could be verified here.  It was frustrating to explain the images that did not seem to fit in anywhere.

It made people mad at me, as I would remember a image like the fleating glimps of something in one of their past lives, as I was there and saw it, but I could not verify, how and why, as the rest of that memory was missing.  It started to get to the point that the random images made no sense, and while I was trying to grasp it, I would talk about what I saw, and that just did not work, as I did not understand what I was seeing. I KNEW what it was, and that it relate to that person, from what I saw.  Yet it made them angry as I could not proof to them it was theirs.

In the end I started just looking at it and letting it go, no caring how it fit anymore as the important bit was the issue in that memory, not the memory.  So I went into the Archaic records and started going indept into these memories, as well as the person involved.  That did not work either, as that pissed people off even more, as they did not remember it.  Yes I agree they have not yet reached that deep so it would not be there.  Eventually I stoped talking about them, as it just caused more and more drama.

I felt insane as I had all this knowledge, and no freaken way how to "proof" that what I saw and felt was indeed that persons.  WHY do I carry the memory of that person, because i shared their life.  In one way or the other.  I have found out that I have taken animal form at time, so that would explain how some do not remember me, I might have been a pet.  Or a wild animal whatching a event.

All my memories was as fragmented as my soul.  Diferent facets, diferent dimentions.... Its a hell of a chaos, was all I can call it.

I have posted this picture before, this kept bugging me for the last few weeks, and then talking to a friend about this and trying to figure out why, I got hit by this massive memory that was so strong and real, I felt it.

I was standing before the Mayan calander, it was 3 times my hight.  it was on 4 diferent wheels.  Each ring had a aspect of the calander.  and it MOVED!  It moved like a clock.  There was water behind it and the water flowed from cup to cup. swirling.  To the right was a HUGE statue and from its mouth came the water that worked the clock.  To the left was another statue it had lots of snakes on it, it looked like the person was wearing snakes.

Behind me  on either sides of the doorway was 7 weird statues, with hollow eyes holding green (looked like emerald) tablets, on each was writen laws.  I knew it was laws, though I did not notice that was writen, but knew it was the laws, only that they were important.  The writing was in egyptian (WTF).

On the floor before the clock was a very strange circle thing with runes on it. (WTF that is norse)  and I was wearing 2 snakes like clothes.  I heard a male voice say Cihauti. and that is where it cut of.  It was startling.  The snakes moved and hissed angrily.  They dont like this voice, neither do I.

So when I spoke to my friend about this memory he was not really seeing what I was trying to say.  And for some reason when I am in memories like this I am relaly sensitive and irritated.  I got really angry, and frustrated as I do when something I am trying to express is not coming out as I am trying to explain it.  So I said I WILL show you, I meant to give him the memory so he can see for himself.

That ripped the lid of what ever was blocking the flow of my words, and it came tumbling out.

And as I explained he pulled up history and places and images.  I also found a image that knocked me hard, as it was the almost exact way I was dressed.

Only thing was my hair was not black it was red and my eyes blue.  One snake was always around my waiste and one around my arm and shoulders.  They were called Ssha and Shash.  I love them so very much.

The statue to the right was this exact statue.  The water came from its mouth.

And it was this big

the statue to the left was this one.  Its called Coatlicue - Lady of the snake skirt.  And I remember that the ones that was found guilty for breaking the law was excecuted by me.  Dressed like that.  I would wear many snakes and they would attack the person.  He would die in public as example.  (I did not like that, as the voice I heard and disliked was the one making judgements that I was forced to excecute)

The 7 statues on either side of the door was there holding the emerald like tablets.  Notice no eyes, justice is blind.

I will have to draw that clock but here is the one we all know so well.  The one made from stone. 

Here is a wooden one that is almost close.  The whole thing was made of Ceder Wood.

Also this explain a little of how it worked.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0012821X9390146Z

So I will post it when I do.

The weird thing on the floor, looked exactly like this, which is really strange as it is Norse.  A Norse object as well as egyptian writen laws in a Aztec temple.  How do you put that together?

The temple was rather hard to explain as it look about like this:

Yet the top part took up the whole top of that and its roof was much higer.

And there was masive snake statues on that temple, on either side of the temple doors.

Then my friend showed me a map, and it totaly shocked me,as he wanted to see where all the places fit.

This freaked me out. And then I started relating what I remeber and where.

He showed me how it look today

and this

I got excited as I felt the energy and the lay of the land, it just felt like home.

I started to say what I remember and where on the map, he said he dont see it I have to draw where.

So I did.

So I took it and drew on it, the numbers that represent places I remember.

1 - Here is where a Clay snake temple was, a small one. Looking roughtly like this.

What my friend aded

1 - Is close to the only renmant of this lake, it was drained during the 19th century. Really liked the energy of the water there. It is called 'Place of the red bean tree'

2 - The Holy snake temple where the memory started.  It rougly had these on it as well on the   outside.

What my friend added

2 - now looks like this, an important Jesuit church, and called Tepozotlan, 'place of the hunchbacks'. The interior is very ornate, it was their main teaching school in the 1700s:

3 - This place was called Tehohitition - We went there on a spiritual journey.  When we went onto recluse to meditate of to do spirit walking we went there for up to a week.  With no food, you ate little and lived off the land.

4 - That plave are the plave a pair of King Eagles lived, they were called Ashmay and Rashney.  They were tame, and was used to fly with on erands. like visiting other towns.  They were huge.

This was their size.  They were masive birds, and this oair was raised form harchlings in order to be used as messanger birds.

My friend added:

3/4 is called the 'Hill of the Star', and is the site of a very large Passion play put up every year, and the temple on top of said hill was the place where the Aztecs begun their new 52 year cycle each time it ended, in a ritual called the 'New Fire'

5 - This dock was used by the temple, these boats were used on the lake. strangely these boats are used in Egypt, as well as in Mosambique.

My friend said

5 -  is a big transport hub, it's on the main road out through the north, actually on the first toll booth. There's a place there called Teoloyucan, 'place of rock crystal' Satellite view:

6 - A major town. It was strong and all trafic from the coast came here via a mountain pass, through the south of the mountains.  Also the same path the Spaniards took when they lay seize to this beautiful place.

the mountains had the most interesting shapes actually captured in the story Eldorado.

My friend added

6 - is a major town, called 'Place of the Earth' (Tlalpan) and has some dramatic scenery. It was the route through which Cortez and his army marched into the valley in 1519.

7 - A temple of the Leopard or rather Panther.  It looked like this

My friend said

7 - is a city called Texcoco, which is also the name of the whole lake in modern histories.. it includes the 'Baths of Hungry Coyote', on a hill overlooking the plain.

the Pink dots on the map show the locations of King eagle nests.  We recorded each one as there were not many of them.  They were so large, that if they did end up landing on the ground they had very much trouble getting up.  To us tehy were really sacred.

Another piece of memory was me as a baby taken to the temple and left to myself for a little as I was sleeping.  I remember playing with 2 snakes that came and cuddled to me.  And my mother freaking out.  This is a picture of Hurceluse and the snakes, but I thought it ratehr worked here.

That was how I was selected as priestess.  Raised acordingly.

Then there was the City build in the centre of the lake.  It was never there, it was made by the aztecs.

I remembered riding the great eagle.

Then I remembered the man that killed me. His name Pedro de Alvarado, the leader of the Spanish armada that came through the mountains.

Their brutality were horrifying, it was even worse than some of the Aztecs.

I remembered his face, I will never forget his face.  And then my friend told me who he was.

Pedro de Alvarado (1485-1541) was a Spanish conquistador who participated in the Conquest of the Aztecs in Central Mexico in 1519 and led the Conquest of the Maya in 1523. Referred to as "Tonatiuh" or "Sun God" by the Aztecs because of his blonde hair and white skin, Alvarado was violent, cruel and ruthless, even for a conquistador for whom such traits were practically a given. After the Conquest of Guatemala, he served as governor of the region, although he continued to campaign until his death in 1541.

In 1518, Hernán Cortés mounted an expedition to explore and conquer the mainland: Alvarado and his brothers quickly signed on. Alvarado's leadership was recognized early on by Cortés, who put him in charge of ships and men. He would eventually become Cortés' right-hand man. As the conquistadores moved into central Mexico and a showdown with the Aztecs, Alvarado proved himself time and again as a brave, capable soldier, even if he did have a noticeable cruel streak. Cortés often entrusted Alvarado with important missions and reconnaissance. After the conquest of Tenochtitlán, Cortés was forced to head back to the coast to face Pánfilo de Narváez, who had brought soldiers from Cuba to take him into custody. Cortés left Alvarado in charge while he was gone.

Temple Massacre

In Tenochtitlán (Mexico City), tensions were high between the natives and the Spanish. The noble class seethed at the audacious invaders, who were laying claim to their wealth, property and women. On May 20, 1520, the nobles gathered for their traditional celebration known as Toxcatl. They had already asked Alvarado for permission, which he had granted. Things soon got ugly, however. According the Spanish, they slaughtered the nobles because they had proof that the festivities were a prelude to an attack designed to kill all of the Spanish in the city: the Aztecs claim the Spanish only wanted the golden ornaments many of the nobility were wearing. No matter what the cause, the Spanish fell on the unarmed nobles, slaughtering hundreds.

Yes and He Killed me PERSONALLY!  THis picture hit that memory very hard

I was not so much desturbed about him killing me, as i have been killed so many times and so brutally, it just dont matter to me, but he killed my to Snakes!!!!

I love them they were the only things of value to me, being trapped in a place forced to live like you were told, and forced, you get to the point where you just go day by day and the litle things matter to you.  Those snakes were my family, my life, protectors, guardians.  HE KILLED THEM!

Thos is where i came, there is more, but I will add it as I feel more inclined to, at this point, I am to much of a mess.

0-- ADDITIONAL --0  Add on to this

Tezcatlipoca is the temple of the Pather, this started this memory to become more clear and also the reason why I had it now.

This is the temple I remember as a child, it was the time I played with the 2 snakes that freaked wveryone out.  I was around the age of 4 and not the first time I played witht the temple snakes, as each time I was taken there it was the same.  They sought me out.  it also explain my Feline like form called Anuden.  The priests of that temple was able to shift their form and apearance to look like that, utilising the essence of the jaguar.  Just like I so with my Anuden form.

My friend said:

There are no pyramids today, that i know of, with such a triangular roof. That god had an important place of worship, still famous today.  Where a fountain springs and people dance, and they wear crowns of flowers on their heads, the god is now a black Christ

Me:

The spanish demolished a few of them, using those stone to build with and looking for gold.  Why do invaders always disrespect the things prised by those they invade.

Strangely enough the tree look so familiar, I wonder what the age of that tree is.

The Black Christ

Friend:

The present church and landscape, it is close to the existing jaguar temple, which has pointed thatch for a roof and a snake tongue at the entrance.. and this hall in the back

This is elsewhere on the site.  Now, the story goes that place was founded by 'malinalli', means grass

Malinalco is place of the grass with this glyph..

Me:

But, But ......  the temple I was in as a child with the snakes look exactly like that, Huh?

Friend:

Well.. this was the warrior temple the aztecs had, far as i know, and this is its interior, which ive shown you before

Me: I remember the outside better as we were never allowed in there.  The snakes alwasy came out, and the insides is still fuzzy.  These pictures are making hy heart chakra hurt extremely much

Friend:  There is an old wooden drum that was found there.. lets see if i can find it

Me:  OMG  that... that....  My father carved that, thats why i was there... my mother took him food.  I feel mixed... happy... sad, like wanting to touch it again... I remember sitting and watching my father carve it, he telling me stories about the things he carved... little fingers tracing the lines.

Friend: That exists in a museum today, one of few wooden things to survive.  i keep wanting to go to that museum, but its a bit far and things interfere.

Friend:  Thought that would be relevant.  Ive seen copies of that drum, modern ones used in dances

Me:  That thing still give me shivers.

Friend:  Im wondering if theres some object I know... that would really affect you, would help you turn a corner if you want to...

Me: That is the last memory of my family... that is the last time I was happy... truly HAPPY.   After that, because I played witht he snakes and the snakes could not stay away from me... I never was allowed to see them again.  Ripped...  I feel torn... hurting pain.... the same way I felt on Tuesday, when I said godbye to Zann.

Friend:  There it is, left side, down, second line from the bottom, a red uniform with a pointed hat and black stripes.

Friend: That is the drawing for 'such and such place was conquered' The temple roof toppled and fire all around.  ok, thats some advance.

Friend: The aztecs burnt all previous record books they could find, btw. There is another such book, which i once bought and ive wondered what use it might be

Me:  Mmmm.... The drawings is crude.. but, .... the colors the style...  This is what they wore how they dressed.  I felt sad, alone, abandoned.  That my family did not want me and left me at the temple.  Lost confused.... I feel exactly like that again.

Friend:  But the priests had a lot of power, perhaps that was a part of it.  I read on an article once.. whatever thing the priests wanted, given that they so routinely killed people, anyone around them was afraid to deny it

Me: Lost and confused...  but there is alwasy going to be a mountain and Id want it to move... there is no other way around that.  Guess I am to stupid to realise there is easier ways.

Friend: But would the easier ways achieve all you intend to?

Me: No it would not.  I guess this is where much of what is needed to heal lay, in this memory.  Being chosen and always placed into posisions of great resposibility, I was ripped from those I loved.  Always being left, they turned away, for the desicions I was forced to make, those that love me cant understand the responsibility I have for my path.  I understand why I walk way when I am hurt.  Its easier to remove yourself from feeling left, cast aside, like a ragg. 

Me: Thank you

Friend: Glad to have helped.  Im thinking if theres anything else that could complete the picture.  Im thinking a house would do it, though i dont know of any that were left standing..

Me: GOING HOME... going home, to be welcomed back and not send away again.

Friend: I agree on that one.

Me I dont even have to force feeling or tears now it wont stop. 

Friend: One thought, then... I command,  home!!!

Me: This one, its exact little house with the trees everything. I was taken from there, from love and so much happyness, into riches and what ever my heart could desire.. beauty, gold... I never wanted for anything... but I would walk away from that to have love and happiness again.

That is what Zann was to me... ALWAYS... love and happiness... he was HOME, safety!... and each time just as I find it, and enjoy it, SHE come and take it from me... each time I fight... to hold it

NOW

I sat down, I will not fight no more... time I accept the path I was chosen to walk, and let go of that what is not worth fighting about anymore.  Time I realise that what I seek love and happyness, I already posses in myself towards myself and that home is me.

Not that house...

Going back there... will not bring back happiness and love I once knew and enjoyed...as that has changed... where ever I am, who ever is around that is home.

Its time to accept this is what I am now, going back will not make me happy.  I have to be happy with being this, this person, me. I am chosen to do a job I never intended to do, like so many times in my lifes.... maybe its time to accept that and stop shying away from being all I can be in myself, and still doing what is expected.  Lately I have wanted to run away from who I am... but that will no longer serve me.

So long Zann was the only person that could make me happy truly happy.  I felt loved and treasured... It was home to me.  So when again it was ripped form my grasp... almost reaching home... my whole world chrashed.

So at this point all this made me realise, that Home is where my heart is... Ye the stupid pun we all say so much, but do any of us truly know what home mean.

Realising that I am home, that I cant rely on others to bring me the happiness and love I yearn for.... I already own it.. it is inside myself.  It helped to see WHY I act like I do, why I hurt so much... why I fight so much when I feel that someone threaten the fabric of my happiness.

Yes its stuff I teach and know, but never truly felt and understood inside myself!

This memory just showed, how powerfully your past experiences shadow the person you are today, how the pain and the issues from them grow into demons that haunt you, like a shadow in every life after that, till you finaly stop and face them.  I never melived in past lives and stuff... but I learned that its there and if you belive yourself unaffected by your past... you are very wrong.

Now the healing can start.... where from here is new and uncharted waters... a place unexplored...