Zen Report: Past scars turn into gold

By Zen Vuong, Pasadena Star-News

I don’t feel too awful when I mistreat someone because I figure that person was a bastard to me in a former life.

Buddhists believe all debts are repaid — if not in this life, then in the next.

Throughout my life, my mother pounded that belief system into the crevices of my mind.

“What did I do in my former life to deserve children like you?” she often said. “I have to do everything in this household. I cook; I clean. What do you guys do? I’m basically your slave.”

Once upon a time, she was chattel. While my dad worked at a toy store in downtown Los Angeles, my mother sat at a sewing machine all day.

We lived with my dad’s parents in Monterey Park. Mom took breaks to go to the restroom, take care of us kids and cook dinner for my family, my dad’s parents, about six of his siblings and some of their significant others.

Grandma sometimes complained about the cooking. One time she even asked Mom to take some dinner to my poor aunt who lived down the block. This aunt has two kids and is such a workhorse at her sewing machine that she often forgot to eat. So Grandma worried about my aunt’s health.

Mom went crazy that night. She complained to Dad in the bedroom our family of five shared. He tried to coax her out of her tirade, but — hearing no sympathy — my mother became even more incensed.

She started pounding her noggin against the headboard in a way reminiscent of kowtowing.

“This is no way to live,” she groaned. “I can’t do this anymore! I want to move out. I want to move out!”

My family of five eventually migrated to a two-bedroom apartment in Alhambra. Things got better for Mom. She became a bondswoman to a much smaller lordship.

Mom held things in until her pipes burst. Then she started raging.

“What kind of scoundrel was I in a former life? Why do I owe this family so much? How many more years until I repay my debt?”

That was version one. Mom put on her spikes and played offense in version two.

“Why did I ruin my life by having you kids? My life in America would be less back-breaking if I never had you. I would’ve been able to go to school, learn English and get a proper job.”

Sometimes I zoned her out. I knew she would have her explosion, feel bad and make me a treat to eat later. Many times, however, I couldn’t contain my cheekiness.

“I’m sorry your life is so awful,” I once said. “I wish I was never born too! Why did you put me on this earth to suffer?”

Mom smacked me in the face. I stared at her with flared nostrils and a red face.

Looking back, I shouldn’t have been so furious. That slap will be added as interest to the debt she owes me from her previous life.

Zen Vuong is a staff writer for the Pasadena Star-News. She thinks people live and then they die. No reincarnation, heaven or inferno. You can follow Zen at Twitter.com/ZenReport or on Facebook.com/ZenReport.

http://www.pasadenastarnews.com/social-affairs/20140110/zen-report-past-scars-turn-into-gold