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I can't meditate.
Beginners with meditation often get the feeling that they can't meditate; "I meditate for a week now, and still see no change", "I can't control my mind", "My mind is only getting crazier, I cannot get rid of my problems and thoughts".
To briefly comment on these in order:
• Meditation requires patience - a few sessions will not undo a lifetime of opposite habits of excitement and confusion.
• None of us can control our mind unless we train ourselves to do it - have you ever seen anyone playing the violin nicely without practice?
• If it seems that our mind is getting worse, it usually means we just see our 'madness' better than before - the first step towards success!
A story by Master Shen-Yen (from Ch'an Newsletter July 1982):
"The purpose of cultivation is not to seek anything, but to discover the faults in our character and behavior. By opening ourselves to self-investigation, we hope to find out where our problems lie, and if, after searching within ourselves, we can see these faults and problems, this in itself is the fruit of the practice.
A woman on the last retreat said that the more she tries to get away from her faults, the stronger they seem to become. And the more she thinks about it, and wonders why she can't get rid of them, the more she gets disgusted with herself. She said, "Probably I just don't have the ability to practice meditation. A good practitioner is able to throw out their problems while practicing, and I'm not."
At that time, I was standing up, and the light above cast a shadow of my body on the wall. I asked: "When I am standing still, is the shadow moving?" She said, "No." Then I walked slowly away, and the shadow followed me along. I walked quickly and the shadow kept pace with me. No matter how I tried, I could not get rid of it. Only if you turn the light out, or make your body disappear, will your shadow go away. Just like the shadow, our problems stick to our "self." Wherever there is a self, there must also be problems. But if you were to say, then, "I want to throw away my 'self'," that "I" who wants to get rid of the self indicates that the self is still there. This would amount to the self trying to throw away the self, which is impossible to accomplish. It would be just like trying to get rid of the shadow if your body is still there. If there is a subject, there is definitely an object. This being the case, is cultivation of any use? Of course it is, since we cultivate to discover our problems.
Recognizing your problems shows you have made progress. Desiring to rid yourself of these problems may he a good sign, but actually that is not how we should approach it. The method of practice does not consist in throwing them out, but rather in decreasing the sense of self until it becomes so light that the problems will naturally disappear."
A mini-poem that catches a lot of the essence (unknown source):
"Too young to meditate...
Too bad to meditate...
Too in love to meditate...
Too busy to meditate...
Too worried to meditate...
Too sick to meditate...
Too excited to meditate...
Too tired to meditate...
Too late to meditate! "
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