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 "This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something."

 From "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert

We've all had a broken heart. It is hard to imagine the pain will ever end or that there is anything worse that can happen to us. Whether it is the death of a loved one, a lost replationship, or a bad experience, there are many things we can do to help our healing process.

A Broken Heart's Origins and Pain

The addictionBlog describes where a broken heart comes from and what it can do to your life:

Heart wounds create the rubble in our lives and we must discover and remove them. By not resolving heart wounds, we cripple ourselves, quite often, to the point of ruining relationships in the past, present and future. We continue down a journey of relationship failure and misery, broken heartedness and strife. We tend to avoid people and strike back at the same time. We end up compromising ourselves and others all because of unresolved wounds. The sad part is that most of us have no clue as to why we react the way we do. Heart wounds come from both childhood memories and from painful experiences in adult life, such as:

• Abusive parents or siblings

• Bully at school

• Close friends making fun at your expense

• Finding out you were an unwanted child

• Friend deceiving you

• Loss of a job

• Loss of spouse due to divorce

• Rejection

• Spouse having an affair

And that pain isn't all just in your head. A study shows that a broken heart really does cause physical pain:

Anyone who has ever suffered from a broken heart, understands the pain that comes along with this, but now scientists have the evidence that suggests this pain is as real as feeling pain from and injury.

Rejection is painful and the new study gives a new meaning to the idea that “social rejection hurts,” said psychologist Ethan Kross, who is lead author of this new study. The findings of this study has been reported in Tuesday’s edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Science.

A broken heart hurts and little quips and sayings through the centuries have equated a broken heart with physical pain. Stabbed in the heart, pain in my heart, ripped my heart out, and the list goes on of these sayings that try and describe that pain. Now scientists understand that our brain’s reaction to the pain of a broken heart is very similar to the brain’s reaction to a physical injury.

Kross reports that there are similarities in the brain between feeling the pain of rejection and feeling the pain of spilling a hot cup of coffee on yourself. The region of the brain that becomes active when rejected is a region of the brain that scientist originally thought was dedicated to physical pain.

Some Suggestions For The Healing Process

How do you heal a broken heart? First, you must want to heal it. That is the trap so many of us fall into. The pain is so intense we don't think we have a choice. Once we realize we have a choice and choose to move through it, there are many things we can do to help our healing process.

Psych Centeral has some recommendations including this critical one:

1. Go through it, not around it.

I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my therapist repeated almost every visit: “Go through it. Not around it.” Because if I went around some of the issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me.

Soulcode describes the coping strategies many of us employ for the pain:

When it seems we have lost the attention of the person we love, we are often tempted to do just about anything to assuage the relentless pain. Some turn to use or abuse substances. Others will find another type of distraction or way to numb themselves such as endless television watching, over eating and over sleeping.

And of course, there is the age old band-aid, taking up with another lover. For me, this calls to mind the anthem of abandoned lovers “Love the One You’re With” by Stephen Stills.

While many of these aforementioned coping strategies may be tempting, many of us who have weathered a storm or two will attest that there is no real way around the pain. For healing's deepest resolution, we must go through the pain.

We must allow ourselves to feel the loss. 

The article also gives some tips on how to move through it.

Susan Piver recommends the Buddhist practice of Loving Kindness: 

When your heart is broken or you’re otherwise dealing with strong painful emotions, the idea of feeling genuine loving kindness for anyone can seem far-fetched, much less yourself or the one who broke your heart. Loving kindness is soft and gentle, but your heart feels cold and numb or enflamed with rage—not loving at all. You may feel so unlovable and needy and freaked out that if you could shut your heart down and turn off emotion altogether, it would be a blessing. Love is the enemy. Love stinks.

So if I tell you that you still possess the most profound, elegant, indestructible well of love imaginable, you might not believe me. If I tell you that the solution for your heartache is not to seal up your heart, but to open it further, that might sound dangerous. And if I further told you that your capacity for love has never been greater and the cure for your broken heart is to offer that love to your ex, you would definitely tell me I’m crazy.

It’s possible. But hear me out. I want to offer you the practice of loving kindness as the healing balm you need. You could try it yourself and see.

The articles has alot more on the Loving Kindness practices inluding instruction on how to.

Breakingup-Coping-Healing-and-Makingup has some suggestions on how to heal:

Dont Hold Back the Sad Emotions 

From time to time you will feel really sad, depressed and want to cry. Do not hold back these emotions. They are all normal and temporary.So If you feel like crying then do so.

Get Professional Help 

A therapist can be of a great help if you can afford it.

Avoid your Ex's Facebook Profile

Do not visit your ex's Facebook,Myspace or any other social network's profile page.

Seeing their friends, monitoring their status and pictures will only upset you . Just don't do it.It will prolong and interfere with your healing process. Block them or delete your account if you have to!

Start a Journal 

Whenever you start thinking about your ex and the past relationship, write down all the thoughts and emotions that go through your head. This will help clear your head.

MadeMan has some tips for healing:

Laugh every day. Think of the humorous times and cherish them. Create a life filled with laughter and joy, you deserve it.

Enjoy yourself. If the break-up of a relationship caused your heart to be broken, it’s time for you to get to know someone great! Really, is there anyone cooler than you? Maybe you've forgotten how great you are, this is what you should spend time thinking about.

Surround yourself with love. Nothing heals a broken heart faster than pure love. If your family and friends aren't being supportive--make new friends. You need to feel the "love" right now.

Work-Out. You aren't working out to build muscle necessarily, or to impress anyone. This is all about you. A good workout builds mental and physical strength; it also serves as a great distraction. If you already have a workout regimen--keep it up.

The StoneMuse has an exercise you do with some Rose Quartz during a full moon:

Get a piece of Rose Quartz and on the New Moon take your stone and hold it to your heart. "This is best to do when your laying down and you can get relaxed and focused."  I want you to visualize the person that broke your heart and focus on sending the energy of the rose quartz around yourself and going into your body. Say out load " I can forgive _______ "his or her name" and myself for all the hurt and pain that was caused. This pain I release and no longer allow it into myself and around my space." You have to say this with a strong intention or it will not be helpful. Visualize the rose quartz colored light around you when ever a thought of that person comes into your mind. Hold the stone until the full moon and and sleep with it by your bed. At the full moon bath the stone and If you feel that you still are in pain you can continue the proses for as long as needed.

SpiritVoyage has a healing mantra:

May your broken heart be filled with healing.  May you resist the urge to close yourself off forever by using asana like Camel Pose to keep your heart open.  May you use the mantra calling upon the divine energy of Guru Ram Das, Lord of Miracles and healer of hearts, to lift you up in your times of trouble.

Try the mantra: "Guru Guru Waheguru Guru Ram Das Guru."  Cry your heart out while you are singing if you need to, start in a little whisper if you cannot even speak, but eventually sing your heart out.  Let the bold and bright sound of your voice be the funnel that removes the hurt from inside you.  Hear a strength in your voice even if you don't feel it in your heart. Sing for 31 minutes a day...while you shower, while you cook, while you drive, while you lay in bed hiding under the covers.  Sing.  Bring the healing presence of Guru Ram Das to you, like an angel of light.

There will be a day when the pain lessens and your heart begins to heal.  And then one day, out on horizon, you will see the rising sun again and feel it rise in your heart, too.  This too shall pass.  Guru Guru Waheguru Guru Ram Das Guru.

Catalyst Yogi has a Yoga Meditation to help the healing process:

To heal the emotional wounds of the Heart we need to bring calm to the nerves that hold the wound. With this meditation the Autonomic System will relax and your breath will automatically move toward a meditative pace to renew and relax your Heart and Mind.

The Mudra creates Balance; it generates a subtle pressure which adjusts the HEART MERIDIAN along the LITTLE FINGER and OUTER FOREARM.

The article has the detailed steps, recommended music, and a picture of the mudra to help with the meditaiton.

Gwendoline Ford outlines how aromatherapy can help:

Aromatherapy can be a wonderful helper, during this difficult time.

Essential oils have numerous calming and healing properties, many of which have a direct effect on certain parts of brain responsible for memory and emotional responses.

Essential oils for a broken heart include: geranium, frankincense, lavender, juniper, rose, bergamot, jasmine, sandalwood and ginger.

Follow this easy, Total Aromatic Immersion healing process, and let the oils work their magic:

Step 1: Burn the oils all around your house for a few days, especially in your bedroom. Fill your home with delectable and supportive aromas to drive out those painful memories.

Step 2: Pamper yourself! Run a luxurious, steamy bath and add 7 drops of essential oils into the tub. Lie back and soak up their soothing and cleansing properties. For the best results, choose 3 essential oils from the list on the right. Tomorrow, treat yourself to a whole-body aromatherapeutic massage.

Step 3: Create your own perfume or lotion from the healing fragrances recommended in this article. Mix up to 3 essential oils with a base (or carrier) oil or an unperfumed moisturiser at a ratio of  6 drops to every 20ml.

http://www.shamanswell.org/shaman/healing-broken-heart-go-through-it-not-around-it